Paper Flowers
by Michiko Fukanzen
Summary: A life of dull monotony leads Yao to a fateful meeting: A gigantic Russian with amnesia. Two very different worlds collide, but a steep price must be paid when they shatter. Human AU Rochu, FrUk, Giripan, GerIta, SuFin, AusHun, DenNor, Ameripan, Spamano. -M for smut, language, violence, angst, mental illness, amnesia, drug use, abuse, minor incest
1. Hello

The alarm clock screeched, shaking Yao out of his dream. He stretched a hand over to silence the annoying beeping and curled back into a tight ball. Closing his eyes tightly, he tried desperately to remember his dream. It'd had something to do with a beautiful woman in a field, but her face was a foggy mess. Damn it. 18 months without a date and his dreams finally started to mock him.

Yao's door creaked open slowly and a smaller figure peeked inside. Yao opened one eye and saw his younger brother, Kiku, staring at him. He didn't seem to notice that his older brother was awake, because he turned around and started to whisper to some unseen person something about the coast being clear. Yao watched as Kiku retreated and pulled someone else along with him. Now Yao was awake.

"Aiyaa! Kiku! What are doing?" Yao flung his covers to the side and stumbled out of bed. He stopped for only a second to grab his silk robe, then continued to run after his little brother. He yanked the door open and ran down the small hallway to the front door, where a frozen Kiku stood halfway out the door pulling a scared looking teenager boy behind him. Yao recognized him instantly. It was the Grecian cousin of his boss, Heracles Something-Or-Other. As he remembered, Heracles was also a very close friend of Kiku's.

"Good morning, Mr. Wang, sir! How was your sleep?" It was Heracles who broke the silence. He smiled weakly, obviously not used to the action, and looked anywhere but Yao's eyes. Kiku looked back and forth between his friend and his brother, a look of caution on his face. Yao could tell what was going on, but he elected to let the boys explain.

"I slept fine. How about you?" Yao answered, staring coldly into his brothers eyes.

Heracles laughed awkwardly and looked back at Kiku, who was holding a hand to his face. He dropped his hand and looked up into his brothers face, which held no mercy.

"Heracles-san came over last night to play video games. You were so exhausted, so I decided not to wake you. Well, we got tired after a while, so..." Kiku looked down at his feet, and Yao saw a grimace form on his lips. Heracles looked uncomfortable. Yao merely crossed his arms and tried to look imposing in his Batman pajamas.

Yao, tired of the uncomfortable atmosphere, sighed and took a step forward. "Kiku, I'm not upset with you. I'm just disappointed that you haven't told me after all this time!" Yao explained.

Kiku looked like he was about to throw up. Heracles looked even more surprised. "Wait... You knew all along?" Kiku choked out.

Yao huffed and rubbed his temples. Of course he had known. He wasn't born yesterday. He knew from the day he walked into his apartment and heard the loud moaning from his brothers room. After that, condoms in the trash, mysterious sheet stains, and several visits from Heracles sealed everything. It's not like he cared, but it was annoying how they thought he wouldn't notice.

"It's not like you did a very good job hiding it! It took me all day to get the stains out of your sheets! I guess it's only natural..." Yao smoothed his hair back and leaned against the wall. His brother coming out didn't surprise him. Their cousins, who spent all their time around the brothers, both came out long ago. Kiku grew up like this, so it was almost expected. Almost.

The three stood there silently. No one moved, and no one made a sound. It wasn't until Yao's eyes wandered to the small clock above the door that he finally clapped his hands together and ushered Heracles out. "I'm very busy today so please make your way home. I don't care what you do with my brother as long as it's legal and doesn't effect me directly or indirectly. Also, I have to draw the line at 10:00 pm. If you are still in this apartment after that time, I will kill you. Same rule applies if you go to his house, Kiku! Bye-bye! See you soon!" Yao finally managed to shove Heracles out the door and slam it behind him. He then turned and faced his brother, who seemed to have gotten over his shock and replaced it with controlled anger.

"Yao, please do not shove my friends out so forcefully!"

"What? I have to get to work and your boyfriend needed to leave! He was going anyway!"

"That is not the point! And he is not my boyfriend..."

Yao clapped a hand to his forehead. This was way to early in the morning for him to deal with this. "Whatever. I'm not your father. Do what you like. I need to be somewhere, so make yourself some breakfast or something." Yao sighed. He stomped past his irritated brother and directed himself to the bathroom. Maybe he'd be more awake after a quick shower.

In his ensuite bathroom, Yao disrobed and stepped into the soft downpour of water. He felt more at ease in places where you could only hear your thoughts, so he often took baths after a hard days work. Sadly, because of the awkward encounter, he only had time for an extremely short shower. Nevertheless, because he was so exhausted, Yao's eyelids began to droop, and he fell into limbo.

He was standing in a field, surrounded by thousands of exotic flowers in reds, blues, and purples. He was standing as if in a trance and staring at the never-ending field. He was alone, but he had an odd feeling that this was a lie. It was at the moment that strong hands grabbed his arms from behind that Yao realized he was naked. Warmth enveloped his bare body as the stranger wrapped their arms around him. The large hands belonging to the stranger caressed Yao slowly, awakening feelings in Yao that he hadn't felt in ages. Warm breath breezed past his ear, causing Yao to groan softly. The wandering hands finally travelled downward, and Yao gasped sharply.

It was then that he involuntarily sucked in a mouthful of water. Yao's eyes snapped open and he wobbled dangerously on the slippery surface of the shower. Yao coughed violently before gulping down large amounts of air. After his head had cleared, he realized there was still a lingering sensation down south... and it was quite visible.

Yao held his head and tried to think. That was the first almost-wet dream he'd had in a long time. This one was different, though. He'd never been the one being handled, and he usually saw who he was with. He was also in the middle of nowhere, and he usually was somewhere familiar, like, indoors. The strangest thing, however, was that the mystery person was almost definitely not a woman.

A few seconds passed before he straightened up and began massaging shampoo into his long hair. No matter how much thinking this dream needed, he had work to do. He was so confused and dizzy that he barely realized that he'd washed his hair 4 times.

A thought came to him as he shakily stepped from the shower. Perhaps it was just his subconscious overreacting to Kiku and Heracles. His thoughts had been swamped with his cousins and co-workers being gay, so this dream was just a stupid subconscious mistake.

Yao wrapped himself in a towel and slowly combed his hair. He then secured it into a simple ponytail and dressed in his uniform for work. He gave himself a once-over in the mirror and smiled at his sacred ability to make any dressy uniform look casual.

He wasn't like his boss, Francis Bonnefoy, who tried strenuously each and every morning to look as fabulous as possible. He wasn't like his adorable co-worker Feliciano Vargas who somehow managed to look effeminately beautiful without the usage of any products. He wasn't like any of his co-workers. He was just... Yao. Casual, plain, boring, Yao.

He smoothed out any wrinkles on the crisp, white, fabric and tidied up his room on impulse. It was large, but weeks of clutter made the room shrink significantly. When he had first bought the apartment, the walls were a drab shade of blue, but now every inch was covered in posters, pictures, and miscellaneous junk, from Hello Kitty to super heroes. He really did have a laid back lifestyle, far from the perfect ones of his friends. Maybe that's why he was so bored.

"Yao, I made extra rice and warmed up the left over dumplings! Come eat something quickly!" Kiku called from the kitchen. Yao sighed and walked down the smaller hallway to the open dining room, which included a small kitchen area. Kiku was cleaning his dishes and humming softly to himself. Yao noticed a small bowl of rice with some dumplings on top at his usual place at the table. He smiled to himself. Even though he didn't talk much with his brother, he still cared for him very much. He just wasn't the best at expressing it.

"Hey, Kiku! Don't you have an entrance exam soon?" Yao asked conversationally as he sat down to eat. He took a tentative bite into a dumpling. Chewy. His brother wasn't the best at reheating leftovers. The microwave was still such a foreign thing to the poor bot. Yao would've grilled them a bit, but this was made in a hurry and with love, so he had to eat it.

There was silence from the kitchen, then a loud clattering, followed by Kiku running to his room and slamming the door. Seconds later, he was dressed in a semi casual jacket and slacks. He bowed hurriedly to his older brother and ran out the door.

Yao shook his head. 'I guess crazy sex can make one forgetful.'

* * *

After his eventful morning, Yao finally went to work. He was currently employed at the finest restaurant in New York City: 'Mondiale de Bonnefoy' a 5 star joint in the center of the city. Ritzy and glamorous, it boasts a wide range of dishes from all around the world. The owner, Francis Bonnefoy, hired immigrant chefs from all around the country to prepare dishes from their respective homelands. Of course, Yao's cousin, Yong Soo, helped hook Yao up with the job. It took Yao 4 years of being treated as an underling to rise up to the status as sues chef. In that time, he made two good friends: Francis Bonnefoy himself. Being the head chef and all, he hand picked Yao for the job. Sure he made a few enemies, but no one could hate him for long. Francis was a very valuable friend, and very reliable. The second, Feliciano Vargas. The silly Italian was the prodigal cousin of Francis and the youngest chef in the restaurant. He's also a magnificent friend, but a little dim-witted. Both are quite openly gay.

Francis Bonnefoy made a point to gather as much of his extended family as possible to work at his restaurant. Family meant a lot to the man. He also procured as many gay men as he could, because why not? He preferred them to straight men any day. There was an exception when Yao joined, however. Yao was the first straight man Francis had ever hired. Francis was apprehensive at first, but grew attached to the quirky man from China. Perhaps, however, this was about to change.

Yao wondered how Francis would react to his dream, if at all. He knew that Feliciano would probably react happily then chatter endlessly about his weird dreams. Once, he had made the mistake of mentioning that he and Kiku had gone out for German food. 'Oh wow! You like German food! That's so crazy! I love German food! Wurst is my favorite! Especially Ludwig's! Oh wow, that sounded kinda dirty! Oh! Did you know Ludwig has a gigantic-'

However, when Yao entered the kitchen, it was completely empty. Yao was used to it being just him and Francis, but no Francis meant big trouble for Yao. He was told that if Francis wasn't around, he had to run the kitchen. That was not something he was looking forward to.

Nearly a second later, Yao heard a loud crash as several pots tumbled from their storage over at Berwald's station. Yao jumped slightly and grabbed a frying pan from the nearest counter. Slowly, he edged to where the pots crashed. When he was right behind the counter, he readied himself and mustered up his courage.

"Aiyaa! Show yourself, intruder, or taste my wrath!" Ok, that came out wrong.

There was a high-pitched screech and more pots were disturbed. Yao heard muttering and a clear, "Bloody hell, mate!" before Francis stood up hastily, refastening his uniform. Another, unfamiliar, man stood as well, smoothing out his hair.

"Ahh! Bonjour, Yao! You got here earlier than usual!" His usually composed voice was cracked and exceedingly high-pitched. The other man was smiling a little too brightly, considering his pants were still undone.

"I always get here at 9:30. I thought you were a burglar or something." Yao sighed and lowered his frying pan, but kept his eyes locked on his boss.

Francis laughed nervously. "Of course! Silly me! I was just showing Arthur around my work place!" He gestured to the second man, who waved slightly. After a quick look from Francis, he quickly fastened his pants once more.

"Right! Sorry to give you a scare, mate! Terribly clumsy! I'm going to go now..." Arthur grabbed Francis's keys and hurried to the exit, too distracted to cover the hickeys peppering his neck.

After the door clicked shut behind Arthur, Yao turned to stare deeply at Francis. He simply shrugged and picked up the fallen pots. "I came home too late for love last night." He said simply. "You are lucky it was us and not Tino and Berwald."

Yao huffed and helped clean the station. Normally, he would have said something about having sex at work, but he was still worked up over his dream.

Once finished with cleaning, the two went to work preparing their stations and getting ready for the lunch rush. At 10:00 sharp, Feliciano and Ludwig burst through the door. Feliciano was smiling brightly and pulling his handsome partner into the kitchen, both in the standard white uniform.

"Hey, guys! Sorry we're late! We stayed up 'really' late last night! It was our anniversary, you see, so we went out for food, grabbed some ice cream, made love passionately... Ooh! Did you know Ludwig has this really cool pressure point on his leg that makes him-"

"FELICIANO! You agreed not to talk about it!" Ludwig suddenly yelled, silencing the smaller man. Yao saw Francis sniggering to himself. It really was hard to hate these two.

"That sounds like a wonderful evening! Let's make today's lunch/dinner rushes as successful as possible, sil vous plait?" Francis flashed a charming smile at his cousin. Feliciano grinned back, and even the corners of Ludwig's mouth twitched.

"Oui, mon cousin! Let's go, Ludwig!" Feliciano bounced to his station, followed by Ludwig. Yao smiled to himself, but was still confused and bored. Confused because of his dream, and bored of the same old thing every morning.

Not much longer after that, more of the chefs filed into the expansive kitchen. Berwald, the Swede in charge of the Scandinavian dishes, Sadiq, the middle eastern chef, and a dozen others, specializing in the best cuisine in America.

Although Yao was the sues chef, he was for the most part ignored, which was fine by him. Most were annoyed that a rookie (yes, 4 years makes him a rookie) became the sues chef. Yao's speciality is Asian cuisine, which is extremely popular in America, so the promotion was more of a business strategy to promote the Asian food. Even so, several are still sore about it all.

Yao didn't hate his job. He quite enjoyed it. However, it was strenuous, because he covered several shifts to make a little extra. He needed to save for Kiku to go to college, right? Also, going to work everyday at the same time doing the same old stuff made life a drag. The one thing he looked forward to was break, where Francis invited friends and family into the kitchen. His boss was a very emotionally driven man, so having family around was supposedly to help support the staff. Kiku would always bring some drinks and rice balls and would always talk about anime and other such nerdy things. This was the only one of the constant things in his life that he enjoyed. Just being with someone he loved.

Kiku wasn't coming, though. He was still in his entrance exam for college, so Yao would be dining alone.

Break was in between rushes, so it was a well needed time for using the bathroom and eating a good meal. During this time, family came to eat with their loved ones, simply for the joy of it. That's what Francis wanted. A loving, joyful atmosphere in his restaurant.

Yao watched as Arthur forced a box lunch into Francis's hands and pecked him on the cheek, Ludwig's brother joined him and Feliciano with lots of laughing, and Berwald's "wife" Tino embraced his husband lovingly and presented a wrapped lunch. Everyone had someone. Except for Yao. That was when Yao decided it was time to visit his special place. He needed some space to think and get back in the game. Right after work...

Francis suddenly clapped down a hand on Yao's shoulder. "What's bothering you, mon ami? I couldn't help noticing how down you look." He smiled reassuringly. Yao knew he had to tell him sooner or later. He would uknow how to deal with it.

"Well, Francis, I had this really weird dream this morning in the shower..." Yao described everything to Francis, even his thoughts on the matter, and everything about Kiku's boyfriend. The entire time, Francis kept his focus on Yao.

When Yao finished, Francis rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm... Is this your way of telling me you're coming out?" Yao responded by whacking his arm.

"Of course I'm not coming out! I'm used to wet dreams, but I wanted to know what your thoughts are on this! You are the gayest gay friend I have, so you have to have some insight for me!" Yao said rather frantically. The last thing he wanted to hear was that the first impression of the dream was a declaration of homosexuality.

"I don't really know what to say, mon ami! I guess the most logical answer is that you slipped off thinking about your brother. I don't think it means anything." Francis responded reassuringly. He patted Yao on the back and returned to his station to prepare for the dinner rush. Yao looked around. Slowly, the guests were filing out, giving last minute hugs and kisses before leaving. Yao especially watched the couples. Their loving looks and soft embraces seemed to mock him.

'If this is the atmosphere you're used to, it seems only natural that you would be comfortable enough to slip into a dream like that.'

That's what he told himself for the rest of the evening.

That doesn't make it true.

* * *

Yao's shift ended at 11:30 pm. It was another day of fast paced cooking and heated rushing. At least it had kept Yao's mind off of his dream. Still, he couldn't run from it forever. As soon as he cleaned up his station, he bolted to his car and started it up. He had to go somewhere. He wasn't exactly sure where, but it had to be anywhere but here.

He drove as fast as he could, leaving the crowded city and everything that stopped him from thinking. As soon as he was out, he knew where he needed to go. He quickly shifted his direction of travel and sped off.

Yao knew this route by heart. He'd visited this place so often, it was hard wired into his brain. No one knew he came here, and no one knew why. Not even Kiku bothered to ask why his brother returned home so late. That's just the way Yao liked it.

Yao turned down a semi hidden dirt path that twisted up sharply. He was now driving through a thick forest with only his headlights and instinct to guide him. After what seemed like forever, the trees thinned a bit, and Yao sharply turned off the path to park. He stumbled out of his car and nearly ran the rest of the way up the sloping dirt path. Finally he could think in peace.

Yao broke through the shrubbery and found himself in a very familiar area. It was a forest clearing, filled tightly with beautiful wild flowers that danced softly in the breeze. It was dark, but the pale moonlight was more than enough light to bring out the beauty of Yao's secret place. It was small, but he didn't need much room for thinking. He kicked off his shoes and stepped into the mass of flora, feeling it brush softly against his tired feet. He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in the cool air and letting it take control of his senses. When he opened his eyes, he felt something... Different.

It wasn't like any other time, when he would feel the freedom to do what he wanted, or think what he wanted. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but not an unfamiliar one either. In fact, he knew exactly what it was.

It was like in his dream.

He wasn't alone.

He scanned the clearing, and sure enough, right in the center, someone was sitting down, looking up to the stars. A soft tune was emanating from the figure, almost familiar. The person was large and the moon's light illuminated them just enough to reveal a shining mess of silver hair. Yao had to admit, he was slightly curious. It was different from his usual routine, and it excited him. At the same time, however...

The stranger turned their head and looked directly at Yao. Striking amethyst bore into Yao's golden eyes. He felt frozen inside, as if those eyes were staring into his soul and drawing everything out piece by piece, until Yao was empty.

The pale light revealed a kind smile. "Hello." The figured called. His accent was thick, and Yao realized it was a man. Yao didn't know why, but he felt uneasily at peace, if that makes any sense. He could sense the man was harmless, but something held him there, out of fear.

The figure stood. Yao gulped. He was at least 6 1/2 feet, maybe more. He could easily crush a tiny guy like Yao. "I'm sorry, but do you know where I am? Or, a better question, who am I?" With that, the man collapsed.

_To Be Continued~_

* * *

**A.N: **Hi! I'm Michiko and this is the first story I will be posting! Yay! To be honest, this isn't my first fic, but it is the first to survive my "fic purge" in which I scrap any fics that are substandard. I really like this one and I hope you all will too! This is a little different, I hope, from regular fluff/smut in the RoChu category. There are deeper issues in both characters, and I am trying not to be a bore and throw in every cliche in the book. I will try to update regularly, but this is not pre-written, so forgive the wait! Luv~!


	2. Call Me When You're Sober

Yao stood perfectly still, breath caught in his throat. The massive mound rumbled softly, and Yao wondered if this was even real.

_It's probably a hallucination from stress!_ A voice in his head squeaked happily.

Yao contemplated the matter. Fight or flight? Running is the easiest option, but the poor man did seem extremely confused. Maybe just this once...

The man suddenly sat up. Yao shrieked and tumbled backwards. "Oh my! I'm terribly sorry! I did not mean to frighten you!" The man scrambled up and walked over to Yao. In this instant, Yao had just enough time to regain his balance and take a few steps in the direction of his car.

"Please, I don't know what you want or need, but I can take you to the police station if you need to locate someone or the hospital if you need medical assistance-" Yao was cut short as the man let out a sharp laugh. Not merry or joking, but cold and empty.

"You are very kind, but I'm afraid I can't. You see, I'm not exactly a legal-" the man never finished his sentence. Almost as suddenly as he got up, he collapsed again. This time, however, he was completely comatose.

"Shit."

* * *

Although the glorious Bonnefoy mansion boasts a "24 hour" service to friends and family, there is a certain time that Francis Bonnefoy finds it severely inconvenient to be called.

"Yao, you know I love you, but I'm trying to have an orgasm here!"

Yao rolled his eyes as his friend gasped into the phone. "This is kind of an emergency!" Yao pressed his fingers to the bridge of his nose. It had taken him nearly twenty minutes to heave the stranger into his car and he was now covered in mud, flowers, and a faint smell of vodka. He'd checked for an ID, but all that he found was a few gum wrappers and a large metal pipe, only confirming his suspicions that this man was trouble. All he needed now was a place to drop the poor fellow. Francis seemed like a guy who was able to take care of these sorts of things, or at least his husband's shady brother.

"No. An emergency is that my body is ready, an incredibly sexy man is currently underneath me, and he is irate that we are being interrupted yet again by you!" Francis whined. On the other end, Yao made out a faint "Get off the bloody phone and fuck me!"

"I don't care! I'm in peril!" Yao shrieked and kicked the dashboard. The stranger adjusted slightly, and Yao lowered his voice. "Look, there's a man the size of a bear in my car and given Alfred's track record-"

"Baby, I'm so glad you're finally embracing your sexuality, but Alfred doesn't take those types of jobs anymore. He has finals!" Francis made a choked gasping sound and shifted the phone to let out a stream of rapid French. A less musical reply followed. "Look, I gotta go. Let me know how that customer likes it! _Mon cher, it has been too __**long!**__-_" The line cut with a finally purr. Yao cursed and tossed his phone down onto the passenger seat. He should have known that Francis would be reenacting his famous honeymoon night, one that he had also interrupted. He did however believe that Alfred could help, but what kind of jobs...

Yao jumped. The stranger gave a halfhearted snort and mumbled something in a foreign language. Well, at least he was smiling.

At that moment, the discarded phone began to scream. The caller ID claimed that "McHERO01134" was on the other end. Finally. It's that useless brother. Yao snatched the phone up and answered. "Yes? Hello, is this a Mister Alfred F. Kirkl-"

"HOLY SHIT HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL MATT TO CHANGE THE AD TO 'JONES'?!" Yao cursed and yanked the phone away from his ear as the caller shrieked into the receiver. After it seemed like he'd calmed, Yao carefully placed the phone back to his ringing ear.

"Sheesh, sorry! Mr. Jones, yes?" Yao huffed. Americans.

"Yeppers! Alfred F. Jones! The 'F' stands for FREEDOM!" yelled the obnoxious caller. Yao held the phone away from his abused ear and instead opted for speaker phone. "Sorry for getting back to you so late, but you're probably still lonely, so just pull up my and we'll get started!"

Yao was still thoroughly confused with this boy. He'd heard quite a bit about him from Francis before. He knew Alfred was still living with his brother and brothers-in-law, but hated all them (except for the one named Matthew). He knew that he ran some super shady businesses via phone and email that can only be described as scandalous. Yao was almost certain Alfred was connected to people who would be able to take this man off of his hands. He had to hope, right?

"So! What're you into? Innocence? Sadism? If you're into incest, threesomes, or orgies, you're going to have to wait till tomorrow, 'cuz my partner is asleep." Yao was glad that the man in the backseat was out cold. The amount of blood rushing to Yao's face was most likely unsightly.

"Nonononononon! That's not why I called! My name is Yao Wang. I work with your brother-in-law-"

"Holy s- old man Wang?" Alfred laughed more obnoxiously than a squirrel on drugs.

"OI! How disrespectful! I'm not that much older than your brothers!" Yao tried to ignore the fact that he just said disrespectful.

Alfred seemed to have recovered on his end. A more somber tone replaced the jovial one. "Francis and Arthur aren't my brothers. If anything, they're more like annoying, horny, 'loud'-" As if one cue, a tremulous scream of ecstasy blasted through the phone. Yao heard as Alfred growled and banged on his wall forcefully. "Shut the fuck up! I'm on the phone!" Alfred screeched.

"Bloody get off the phone if you can't handle it! It's almost three in the goddamn morning! Go the fuck to sleep!" came the muffled response. Yao slid back in his seat. He was going to have to listen to this pointless melodrama, huh?

"I can't sleep when you're banging each other into next week! Now, what do you want, old man?" Yao jumped as he was suddenly addressed.

"Oh! Sorry! You see, I have this, uh, friend here. He's passed out in my car and I think he's an illegal immigrant. I know you have some shady sources that can get rid of him-" Yao was cut off as the stranger let out a loud grunt and turned over. Still freaky.

Alfred was back to laughing. "Sorry old man! No can do! I'm not in 'that' kind of business...anymore! Get someone else!"

Yao was close to frantic now. "Wait! What do you suggest I do with him?!"

"Be creative! Bye now! I gotta go raise hell for Arthur! Good luck!"

Yao held the phone in disbelief for much longer than he needed to. Where was he supposed to turn now? It's not like he could just leave the poor guy... After all, amnesia sucks. Yao looked back at the comatose giant in his backseat. There's a peaceful look to him. Not menacing or terrifying, but troubled, hurt, but serene at the same time. Yao couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking...

"What the hell... Why not?" The more Yao thought of it, the more he wanted to add some adventure to his life. Assisting a presumably mentally unstable foreigner might be fun...

"Fuck... Let's go."

* * *

_Fog. It's like fog. Everything is misty. I can't tell up from down. I can't even tell who I am. I can see the stars, the moon, the clouds... I can feel my field. My beautiful field of paper flowers..._

_...but there's someone else here. Someone has invaded my field. They..._

_...they're beautiful..._

_...but now they're gone. My field is gone. My world is gone. I'm falling through space. I have no idea where I'm going or where I am._

_Wait._

_There. In the distance._

_Something glimmers ever so slightly. It's... It's so familiar! A memory? I want it. I want it. I want-_

Ivan curled his hands into fists. The sandbag in front of him was just waiting for his striking contact. Begging for it. It was less than him. Just a sack of sand wishing for punishment. It can't hit back, which makes it the perfect target.

"Son." Cringe worthy. It's him. Ivan shudders and drops his fists. The tall man stalks down the stairs into the expansive basement. "Your mother and I are leaving. Try not to upset your sisters." Vladimir Braginsky glared down at his son, eyes filled with disgust and anger. Ivan trembled under his heated stare. He was old enough that it was starting to get ridiculous to still be afraid if your father, but Vladimir was no ordinary father.

"Yes, sir." Ivan managed a weak smile. He was rewarded with a sharp slap.

"Stop smiling so much. You look like a mad puppy begging for death." growled the massive figure. Ivan nodded feverishly, acknowledging his error. His father turned on his heel and stomped back upstairs. Ivan jumped as the door slammed behind him. Ivan felt tears of rage building up in his eyes. How could his father still be in control of him like that?

_He is the only one who knows my secret, after all. If you misbehave, he's going to tell mother. Then Yakaterina will cry. Then Natalia will hurt me even more. I'll be a freak. I'll be hated even more. No one will love me. Maybe I'll be able to live with Uncle. No. He'll call me a freak too..._

Ivan didn't even realize he was viciously attacking the punching bag. He didn't even notice the blood covering his fists.

* * *

"Vanya, you should be more careful with your punching bag! The wounds from last time hadn't even healed properly yet." Ivan stared blankly at his sisters open dance bag as she fretted over his mutilated knuckles. After the rage, she'd found him collapsed on the ground, scratching at his back, blood and tears staining his clothes. She had rushed him up to the bathroom as fast as she could and ran a bath for him, which is where he calmed and she washed his bleeding wounds.

Ivan didn't really want his sister worrying. She had enough to worry about. Like graduation, and the baby. Yes, the baby. She'd only confided the secret to Ivan, but it was inevitable to get out to their parents. Of course, it wasn't her fault. It was her abusive boyfriends fault. That's besides the point, however. Ivan hated his sister seeing him breakdown, but it couldn't be helped.

"Yakaterina, why is your dance bag out?" he asked, disregarding his sisters attempts to bandage his hands. It was a Friday. She only had dance classes on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays.

Ivan began to worry as his sister stopped wrapping gauze around the disinfected wounds. She visibly deflated, and a sad gaze replaced her frantic one. "I'm so sorry, sweetie. I missed the last class to go to my special doctor. I have to go tonight and make up the practice." Ivan stood up in the tub, bloody water dripping from his bare skin. His sister jumped back as a wave of crimson sloshed out of the bath.

He was shaking. _No... She can't... She can't leave me alone!_ Desperation drove him to grab onto his sisters shoulders. "No! Please don't go! You can't leave me here!" he screamed. Tears burned his eyes. Fear, concern, and worry painted his sisters face. She pulled him into a hug.

"It'll only be for a few hours! I'll be back very soon," she cooed into his ear. "I need to do this. When I get home, I'll make for you some blintzes, okay?" Ivan nodded, but the fear remained. He couldn't do this to her. She needed to do this to protect herself and, subsequently, him.

Ivan was bandaged and pulled from the tub into a soft towel ten minutes later. His sister dressed him in his softest pajamas and turned on his favorite program, some show from America that was quite goofy. Once he was situated under a snug blanket, Yakaterina bid farewell. She blew him a kiss, hid a worried expression, and disappeared to her waiting carpool.

The door closed, and heavy, tense silence fell over the house. The tv blared, but Ivan didn't hear it. Anxiety and anticipation took over his whole body. Every creak and groan of the house sent him jumping. _Please be asleep, please be asleep, please be asleep, please be asleep..._

Another door opened and closed softly upstairs. Ivan's blood ran cold. His nerves went out of whack. The air was choking him. _Oh, God, if you're there, please help me-_

Soft footsteps run down the stairs.

_Just this once, save me. I'll never do bad again in my life-_

Getting closer.

_Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease-_

Someone's on the blanket.

_NonononononononONONONONONONONONONO-_

The blanket is ripped off. Ivan's hands fly to shield his neck. The tv stopped. Everything stopped. The once-cold air burned. 'This is it...'

"...big brother, you forgot about me."

"GO AWAY!" Ivan screamed.

There she stood. Natalya, the youngest of the Braginsky children at only 12. Her short silver blonde hair, which she was growing out, was pulled back into a neat ponytail. Her lacy pajamas hung down to her ankles. Her cold eyes, which she inherited from her father, bore deeply into her older brothers.

"No," she said simply. "Big sister is gone, and so is mommy and daddy. You know what that means." Natalya climbed nimbly onto her brother.

Ivan jerked violently. "No! I won't let you this time! Get off and leave me alone!" he shouted, trying to buck his sister off. To his surprise, she grabbed his wrists and restrained them. Now he was panicking.

"You will let me. You know why?" she leaned in close, cold lips brushing his ear. She continued in a whisper. "I know your secret."

Ivan's eyes widened in shock. His body froze in its attempts to rid itself from the nuisance. He didn't want to believe it. How could she have found out? Did father tell? How could she have so much control over him? His sanity was at a breaking point, and now Natalya knew his secret.

Natalya smirked, knowing she had cornered her prey. She pulled back, gazing down at the petrified body beneath her. "Now then! If you refuse me, I'll tell everyone. Mommy will cry, Katerina will never look at you again, and daddy will send you away." she laughed triumphantly as Ivan's face contorted. "Oh, please! Don't cry," she sighed as she proceeded to lift her nighty over her head, exposing her underwear clad body. "I'll make you feel really good, big brother." With little resistance, she removed her brothers soft pajamas. Those soft pajamas which Katerina so lovingly dressed him in. It was a crazy thought, but Ivan hoped that her loved would have protected him from this recurring horror. As the warmth of those clothes left him, so did the love charm. Crazy thought, huh?

Ivan did his best not to think. Not to cry. Not to react. Not to give in to her. He didn't want to give her more pleasure than she was already taking, stealing, raping. He lay there, limp and emotionless, as his sister took what she wanted. Some part of him wanted Katerina to walk in. He wanted her to see her brother being hurt. He wanted her to stop it, make the pain go away, bandage the wounds. But that wouldn't stop Natalya. Even knowing his secret, she continued this torment. Stealing his innocence for her own sake. Maybe she did love him, like she always claimed after finishing. Maybe love really is that twisted. Hell, what did he know of love? This? This is love? How could he ever claim to love anyone ever again after this? He didn't even know the meaning. Is love shunning, like what his parents do? Or is it stealing and taking and raping and painful? Is it warm, like Katerina? How could anyone figure it out in such a conflicting mess?

When Natalya finally finished, she gasped put a quick, "I love you, big brother." and left. Ivan curled up into a ball and closed his eyes. He wrapped his hands around his neck, and cried. He cried and screamed and scratched and choked. How long could this pain and agony last before he truly died inside?

* * *

Ivan's eyes shot open. He was mildly aware that he was moving, and that he was jammed in a rather uncomfortable position. He reached up to rub his eyes, and was surprised to find them moist with tears. He tried to remember the dream he had just awoken from, but to no avail. He felt sleep coming over him again, but he briefly glanced up from his uncomfortable position.

He was obviously in a car, and the driver of said car had long, dark brown hair. Ivan wondered momentarily if he was being kidnapped, but rolled over nonetheless to sleep.

A tiny part of his mind, barely even a consciousness, wondered if that were such a bad thing.

* * *

**WOOOAAHHH AN UPDATE?! **

**First off, who thought this was never coming? *Raises hand* I'm sorry for the quality, especially since I've kept you waiting for almost 5 months...**

**I'm gonna try to be more active at updating, but I dumbly started another story on ao3 called "Introverts" which is also not getting updated as frequently as it should... I had time this week and this story needed some lovin'.**

**(I apologise for Belarus. I love her, but she needs to be villian-y)**

**Yeah, yeah, sucky chapter title, but this is based off of my extensive Evanescence collection so... yeah...**

**More drama to come! Luv yah!**

**~Michiko**


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